Ellas splurgins

Reflecting on this place so far (22nd June)
The solstice event felt like all the different part of this place making sense and coming together for me- a mix of learning about the land (mud & feathers) and honoring the land, celebrating, and sharing feelings and checking in, and sharing n welcoming different sorts of people- class diverse (some from ground and other community spaces, and quite a lot of others that we picked up along the way by accident).
The big realization was, WOW, having rituals is somehow really banging for feeling connected to each other and the place you’re in…. can’t quite explain it but yeah, just felt very community building and special to do solstice and fire with people in hull. Tribey? It was good to share in a really ancient thing together whilst doing it in our own way, and to have a purpose, a reason to stay up, which felt really meaningful. We did the poetry session that Tim runs (the themes were seahorse and excess) and that gave chance for a load of feelings and ideas to come out about climate, capitalism, this place, funny stuff etc., and then after a few more hours of talking and making music, about 15-20 people made it to quite an unspectacular sunrise after which point, we crawled home. I liked that we ended up doing it in Beresford, very accessible and humble and gentle and felt special to make magical memories in this park I go to a lot, cos usually I get out of hull for those magical moments.
It was liberating for me to go out dressed in weird shit and play music down Bev Road, Pearson Park, the avenues…I thought it was gunna be soooo embarrassing but it was just ace, and seemed like people in the street enjoyed a break from normality and sometimes joined us. Its quite a bonding thing, innit, to do embarrassing/scary stuff together.
There is part of me that sees the solstice a ‘success’ cos there was lots of people throughout the day and it was a varied bunch of people…it’s really annoying that I measure the day in these terms, and I reaaaaaallly want to learn to let go of what I think is successful. I so badly want to sooth the part of me which gets unnecessarily stressed when somethings not going to plan- I’m so uncomfy with awkward, or naff or small! How do I give in to the idea that it’ll be what it’ll be, and even if one person comes, it could still be class?
I need to kill the capitalist in my head!! The thing we are doing is about slowing down, being kind to our selves and each other but still I have a tendency to want things to be bigger and better and fuller, and be pretty hard on myself if I didn’t manage to be productive enough.
The low attendance at the conflict resolution workshop was probs down to time of day and the heat, but also, loads of people knew about it, and those who wanted to come and could, came. I found it hard to get over my disappointment that loads of people didn’t want to learn about something that I see as really interesting and necessary, yet everyone is so keen to learn about clay - got me thinking maybe the potentially heavy things should be sandwiched into lighter stuff, like we do it in mammal jam, or maybe we can find a way to bring the more serious topics into the ‘lighter’ workshops. I haven’t really found a way to weave the big stuff into conversations or connect separate workshops into the bigger picture of this place, but I’d like us to think about it more.
A big thing that is seeping in to me is appreciation for the community that we are part of, that been built slowly over quite a lot of years, and it really feels like THIS PLACE is accelerating it, or nourishing it and growing it and giving it new food to dribble on. Feeling a lot of love for people. Its class having a month of learning together and having fun together with a big bunch of people- feels absolutely bangin.
Also, I’m getting a lot out of organizing in this group, its been very spacious and warm, and it felt really equal even though at times some of us are doing more, but that’s been acknowledged, which makes it feel good! And I like our culture of doing lots of checking in, and how that’s become a big part of the workshops (massively also due to Darren and Darren being a big part of it- I think!) Yeh, it feels like we are starting to grow a bit of our own culture in this place, and I’m settling into the month.